Daisy Cooper: Mother’s Day. Is it different for adoptive moms than biological moms? Author, dentist, and stand-up comedian Mike King and his wife, Gabby, are adoptive parents. Their candid, insightful, moving, and fiercely-funny story is contained in a popular book titled Dad Spelled Backward: A Journey Through the Maze of Love, Marriage, and Adoption. We caught up with Mike King to ask him specifically about Mother’s Day and being adoptive parents.
Daisy Cooper: How long were you and Gabby married before you decided you were going to adopt a baby?
Mike King: About 3 or 4 years.
Daisy: How long did it take for you to actually become parents once you decided to adopt?
Mike: Almost 4 years
Daisy: Did Mother’s Day pass while you were waiting for your child? What was that like?
Mike King: Yes, it did, and it was tough, especially if we thought things were going well and then they didn’t turn out. That made it even tougher. It’s like you’re planning a birthday (emphasis on birth) party, and then no one shows up.
Daisy: How was it for you and for Gabby when you would see other pregnant couples? Was that challenging?
Mike King: That was always difficult. It is hard not to look at yourself and not think that something is terribly wrong in the natural order of things. Something so natural and easy for most of us is proving to be so difficult. Sex education in high school was always about being careful since it’s so easy to get someone pregnant. There’s the irony; when you really wanted it, it wasn’t so easy.
Daisy: Did you think Gabby would be a good mom? Why did you think so?
Mike King: You always doubt yourself, especially the longer it takes. And I think that doubting turns to something else that maybe it wasn’t meant to happen and that other forces are telling you that you shouldn’t be a mom. You’re just trying to find answers for why this is happening to you. Turns out, she’s a great and loving mom.
Daisy: Did you think you would be a good dad? Why or why not?
Mike King: I always loved being around kids. I’m a silly person by nature. I think the responsibility you will undertake always requires some soul-searching. Is this the right time? You can’t help thinking of the things you won’t be able to do that you once did. I think you quickly learn that the more love you have for someone, the more sacrifices you are willing to make. That sounds like a quote I must have heard somewhere. Anyway, sure, the fun and silly stuff is always there, but the connection multiplies when changing diapers, taking care of them when sick and all those not-so-fun things that really connect you. I still miss doing those things, although not the poop.
Daisy: What is so special about Mother’s Day?
Mike King: Mothers are the bedrock of a family, at least the one I grew up in and now the one I live in currently. You can never thank them enough for being there for you and your children. But you really can’t say Happy Mother’s Day every day, or can you? Maybe I should try it. On second thought, my wife would get annoyed.
Daisy: Is Mother’s Day different for adoptive parents than biological parents? Is it different for adoptive moms than biological moms? In what way?
Mike King: We are forever grateful to the birth mom, but after a number of mother’s days, it’s no different. Wait, let me ask my wife….I’m back; yes, she said it’s no different- she doesn’t even think much about not being the natural mom on Mother’s Day or any other day.
Daisy: What advice do you have for adoptive moms still waiting to receive their baby?
Mike King: Be patient, be focused, enter with love and be persistent. Do whatever it takes, and you’ll be rewarded with the best possible gift anyone could ever receive.
Daisy: Any other words of advice?
Mike King: Yes, we have just entered the teenage years and believe me, they are what they are rumored to be. Being an older dad, I kind of wish my hearing would go for the next few years. Still, even if you asked me in the toughest of times, it is worth it a million times over.
About Mike King: Comedian and pediatric dentist, Mike King, has built his practice in an unusual way: to relax the kids, he incorporates comedy and magic tricks into his treatment. He has written two children’s books, Flossopher and the Brushing Trees and Enamel the Camel. His latest book is called Dad Spelled Backward: A Journey Through the Maze of Love, Marriage, and Adoption. Entertaining is in Mike’s blood: His dad owned Sid King’s Crazy Horse Bar in Denver, Colorado. In the 1970s and ’80s, it was one of the most popular burlesque houses West of the Mississippi, so it was just a matter of time before Mike began to perform for grown–ups. In the comedy-club circuit, he’s known as “The Fifth Dentist”—you know—“Four out of five dentists recommend sugarless gum.” Mike appears regularly at Broadway Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club, and Gotham Comedy Club. His musical, The Lap Dance Kid, is in production, and he’s also written a one-man show. Mike’s greatest joy is spending time with his wife and their daughter. They live in New York City. For more information, visit www.MikeKingWrites.com.
